Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Must-See Cheesetastic Cop Movies

Yesterday I discovered that one of my favorite Geek Girls has never seen Demolition Man.  It came about completely by accident when I said "..murder, death, kill.".  She was clueless and I was horrified.  Three seashellsTaco Bell?  Nothing.  I spent a ridiculous amount of time convincing her that she absolutely had to watch it with an eye of appreciation for the cheese factor.  High-brown, intellectual film-making at it's finest, this is not.  Ridiculously fun, full of one liners, innuendo and lots of big guns, yes, this fits that bill perfectly.  It got me thinking about the best over-the-top, cheesetastic cop movies that every Geek should see.

Obviously, Demolition Man is on my list.  It has Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes (with the most ridiculous hair) trying to kill each other.  There are lots of guns.  And explosions.  And an adorable Sandra Bullock trying to keep up with it all.  This movie came out back in 1993 and I wonder if it seemed as cheesy then as it does now, but either way, for the one liners alone this movie is worth watching.  If someone references the three seashells you must know what they're talking about or risk certain ridicule.  Not that you'll ever know how the seashells actually work.  It doesn't matter.  You must at least appreciate their mystery and the only way to do this is to grab a bowl of popcorn and sit back for the cheesetastic ride.

Also on my list, RoboCop, the half human, half cyborg crime fighter.  In his quest to rid the city of evil he shoots stuff.  The term "hail of bullets" was custom made for this movie.  It also has one of the nastiest death scenes ever in which a baddie falls into a vat of toxic goo, emerges all melty-faced and then gets hit by a car and explodes.  Also, RoboCop has an outfit that is a cosplayer's dream.  You need to know who he is in case he stomps by you at a convention.  Lastly, a real oldie but goodie, Runaway, with Tom Selleck as a cop who captures bad robots. You'll never watch BattleBots in quite the same way after you see this one and best of all, Gene Simmons plays a deliciously evil baddie.  There are also killer spider bots that shoot acid.  Yup, it's awesome.

Block out some time to enjoy these movies in all their cheesetastic glory and if I left off your favorite just let me know in the comments.  I'm always up for a little cheese.

8 comments:

  1. And Denis Leary! You forgot Denis Leary!

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  2. LFC, you're just ahead of me! Dennis Leary is my hero. He makes the film by himself. :o)

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  3. I love this list. Thank you for redeeming what I thought was only a personal problem. I am glad to know others respect and appreciate these gems.

    I would also add Split Second to this list. Rutger Hauer goes crazy badass cop in a future London that has flooded due to global warning. A bizarre monster lurking in the flooded tube has killed many people, including his former partner. He survices on a diet of "Anxiety, coffee, and chocolate." Something I myself tried to do with some success, in college.
    Ken W.

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  4. Great choices! I do love "Demolition Man." OK, adding in "Car 54 Where Are You?" because it ramps up the cheese factor with Fran Drescher, Rosie O'Donnell, and John C. McGinley playing the innocent.

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  5. @thelittlefluffycat and @Radish
    All hail Denis Leary! He is his typical awesome self in this movie.

    @Tertius
    I think I have to watch "Split Second" as soon as posible. Ruger Hauer, monsters and chocolate...how can it not be fantastic?

    @Beth
    John C. McGinley is so fun to watch, adding "Car 54 Where Are You?" to my viewing list!

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  6. I don't think I've seen Demolition Man since I saw it when it first came out in the theaters, but I remember it being quite cheesy then and, yes, loving it.

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  7. I too agree that 'Runaway' is one of the most underrated sci-fi movies of all time. It has one of the most realistic depictions of robots ever in film, and as you said, Gene Simmons was awesome as the villain. There's a story about how he got the role: he walked into the catsing directors office, sat down, and STARED at him for two minutes. he then got up and left, without saying a word. The CD later said that he was scared for his life...

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  8. Demolition Man is even funnier for us down under. The cinema print had "Taco Bell" in it as the only restaurant to survive the "franchise wars" - Taco Bell had opened one restaurant here at that point. 5 years later, when the dvd was released, it was changed to "Pizza Hut" (ALL references) and NO TB outlets remain here.

    My friends rate their favourite action movies in terms of Rutgers. If something is a "three Rutgers" it's a good, cheesy movie.

    DM was our first FIVE Rutger movie (without a Rutger in it).

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