Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Ewoks vs. Hobbits

We've had Pirates vs. Ninjas and Kirk vs. Picard but what about Ewoks vs. Hobbits?  A good Geek is supposed to love Hobbits but hate those cute little Ewoks.  It's as natural as breathing, or doing the Vulcan salute or saying "Use the Force!" when an object is out of reach, but not for me.  I am standing up for those little furballs.  I love Ewoks and couldn't care less about the fate of the Hobbits.  They're troublemakers who can't walk half a mile without a snack break and they have dirty, hairy feet.  Ewoks, on the other hand, are adorable and I love them.   I know this is an act of Geek Heresy so terrible the universe may implode at the very notion.  However, if you think about it, really think about it, you're better off with cute, furry Ewoks than you are with hairy-footed Hobbits


 #1 Ewoks are better in a fight.  They took out Imperial Stormtroopers with nothing more than rocks and logs and a bunch of slingshots.  Then they used their helmets as bongo drums during the big victory celebration.  Hobbits?  They pretty much cower in fear at any sign of danger and often attract that danger by making too much noise.

#2 Ewoks live in beautiful treehouse cities with giant wooden bridges that run from tree to tree.    It's the kind of thing you wish you'd built with your Dad in your backyard and aspire to build as an adult.  Hobbits?  They live in holes.  In the ground.

#3 Ewoks are born leaders.  The rebels, including a Jedi, land on Endor and they are guided on their journey by the Ewoks.  That's right, they lead a Jedi.  Hobbits?  They just follow along behind the brave, all powerful Fellowship, trying to sneak a snack and doing lots of nothing.

I know that this isn't a popular opinion, but it's the right one.  Feel free to leave a comment and try to prove otherwise.  Ewoks FTW!

25 comments:

  1. please don't base all of hobbitdom on Pippin Took.

    point #1: refuted by a two words; Samwise Gamgee. most heroic and bravest hobbit EVAR. Ewoks would be a light snack for Shelob.

    point #2: "Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort." do tree HUTS (those aren't houses, those are mud huts, primitive and dirty. Ewoks have all the craftsmanship of an Orc!) mean comfort? pfft! hardly. but hey, at least Ewoks (unlike the designers on the Death Star) knew to put in railings so people didn't fall off all those silly tree-hut walkways.

    point #3: the fellowship constantly asks Frodo what to do. even Gandalf insists "the ring-bearer must decide"... yes they would rather stop for snacks, but it's a long walk to mordor you know... and hey, at least they didn't try and EAT THE WHOLE MAIN CAST OF THE FILM! like those nasty grubby Ewoks! just imagine how Return of the Jedi would have ended if 3P0 didn't speak Ewok... that's right, Jedi-kabobs!

    Hobbits rule, Ewoks drool.

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  2. I didn't know i was a geek heretic until i read this. I as well much love ewoks and loathe hobbits!

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  3. @Dylan BRING IT!

    #1 Sam was only heroic and brave after he had to be...Ewoks are born fighters, taking on anyone who's a threat to their happy little village. They'd have caught Shelob in a net before she ever got to being such a problem.

    #2 Those were NOT mud huts! Those were made out of little branches with nice roofs and bits of straw woven in for that extra homey touch. Just like the little Tiki huts you find on the shore of exotic beaches....I'll take one please and thank you. And though the hobbit holes were not dirty slimey places, you cannot escape the fact that they are still HOLES IN THE GROUND!

    #2 Oh, Luke could have gotten them out of that predicament anytime he wanted, but he chose to do so NICELY. Why? Because he needed to win their trust so they could help defeat The Empire! Not even a Jedi wants to tick off an Ewok. The Fellowship were really listening to the all powerful Wizard and couldn't care less what Frodo wanted otherwise. If they could have, they'd have left ole Frodo back in the Shire.

    NASTY HOBBITSES!

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  4. lol

    honestly i think your high esteem of Ewok-fighting-prowess seems to mostly be based on how incredibly BAD the Imperial Stormtroopers are, rather than any actual skill of the flesh-eating teddy-bears. Not exactly the apex-predator of the films... i'm pretty sure even Jar Jar Binks could take down a village full of teddy-bears. by accident.

    and the more i think about it... the more i think the comparison to Orcs is actually pretty accurate. They both live in mud huts, they both favor stone clubs and pointed sticks (which they laughably call "spears"), they both eat their young, and they both sing little songs that predominantly feature the words "yub yub" (pretty sure that directly translates to; "hurray for hitler!" in Orc AND Ewok).

    Hobbits on the other hand love smoking pipes and eating pies. They don't get involved in petty wars like those bloodthirsty tribbles-with-legs... and for the record, SOME hobbits even go around wearing proper footwear, not all of them are barefoot, they just find it generally more comfortable. which is what they're all about... being comfortable.

    not rampaging across the countryside trying to consume and destroy other civilizations in their vicious need to devour man-flesh. like Ewoks.

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  5. #4 Ewoks will roast (and possibly eat) the hobbits, in honor of their gods. You know if Han and Chewie got caught in an Ewok trap, the Hobbits won't stand a chance.

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  6. I'd like to submit the following for consideration:

    Ewoks outwit Stormtroopers,hobbits outwit dragons.

    Hobbits question the advice of even Wizards, whilst Ewoks worship metal droids.

    If you visit a hobbit he'll serve you a meal, if you visit an ewok he'll make a meal of you.

    No hobbit TV special is as bad as "The Ewok Adventure"

    Hobbits are so cool and central to the story that there are 5 that almost any geek can name. No one remembers any ewok name beyond Wicket.

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  7. @Dylan

    First off, its YUB NUB (not yub yub) and it translates to "Freedom". Just because their language is far too complex for you to understand is no reason to mock their happy little song!

    Let's also note that they not only took out individual Stormtroopers, but pulverized several AT-ST's, which are great big metal montrosities of doom. Those things would have destroyed the Gungans.

    YAnd yes, Hobbits do love to sit around and do nothing in the comfort of their holes in the ground. They live a life of leisure, despite what's happening in the rest of the world. Meanwhile the outnumbered, outmanned little Ewoks fight to save a galaxy from the clutches of Evil. Yup. Cause that's how Ewoks roll. Yub nub!!

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  8. Hobbits are above even being compared to Ewoks. There's nothing to debate. Samwise ftw!

    ;-)

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  9. @RW

    Ewoks outwit Stormtroopers on their own, Hobbits outwit dragons with no small amount of assistance.

    Hobbits question a guy in a pointy hat(who wouldn't), Ewoks worship the "shiny" (can I get a heck yeah, Firefly)

    A Hobbit will serve you a meal of greasy sausages, an Ewok will serve you a feast (once he determines you're a good guy, caution is not a bad thing)

    Oh, there is some bad, bad Hobbit stuff out there, but I refuse to torture myself by having to view it to find the appropriate links.

    Hobbits are all about me, me, me. That's why you know their names. Ewoks are content to support the greater good in annonymity.

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  10. @Lori

    Samwise, huh...what about Wicket?! He'd totally own Samwise!:)

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  11. @Cassey @Land @ThePotatoPope YUB NUB!

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  12. Ewok! Hobbit! Who cares? Just gather enough for lunch and then boil them till the hair comes off. Strain out the hair--it can be braided into ropes. Pluck them out of the cauldron and let cool for 10 minutes. Garnish with choocolate elf eyeballs and plenty of hot chile peppers. Serve on a shish kebab. Yum. That makes a decent lunch.
    --Atroll

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  13. @atroll (backs slowly away from crazy person)

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  14. all it took to conquer the shire was a washed up wizard and his toady. The ewoks did a numver on a tecnically superior foe.

    ewoka win, flawless victory.

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  15. Nicole

    which ewok invented a sport by knocking an Orcs head off with a club :-)

    And there is the Hobiish skill with missile wepons - might be a reference to Birminghams arms manufacturing history BSA isn't just a Bike manufacturer.

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  16. I wouldn't be surprised if the ewoks actually won. The furry little half sentient creatures are already pretty aggressive and warlike. They hunt for whatever they can kill in the woods and are all too willing to sacrifice for their god. Hobbits on the other hand were peaceful farmers. Sure if they were to actually take up arms they might stand a chance, but they would be nearly wiped out by the time it came to that.

    Not sure why living in a fortified underground bunker is a disadvantage in warfare. Seems a lot better than monkeys that build nests like birds. For one thing its not like you can just set the forest on fire and be rid of the hobbits.

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  17. I like them both, and I just don't get the ewok hate. RotJ was my first SW theater experience. Sure they're cute and cuddly, but they kicked some serious ass. I personally have to give the edge to the ewoks in this geek-off, if only because of their ingenuity in battling the Empire. Did you ever see hobbits making drums out of the heads of slain orcs? I think not...

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  18. #5 Hobbits are afraid of death, Ewoks don't even get the concept.

    Up to you to decide if that speaks in favor of Hobbits or Ewoks :)

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  19. Gotta say it...Though I adore Merry and Pippin (mostly Pippin), I really disliked all the other Hobbits in Lord of the Rings. Anyway, Tolkien does point out that the Hobbits in LOTR are kind of the exception rather than the norm.

    So I agree with you. Go Ewoks. Even though I think they are slightly creepy.

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  20. Hot topic!

    Hail Chief Chirpa! I was at the age where ROTJ was simply awesome, and I had no preconceptions that Ewoks were meant to be Wookies. Ewoks just WERE... how can you argue with the fact they were THERE, a vital part of the Empires fall, it's simply how it went down! I can't alter history.

    Also I never really got how hobbits are kinda half cute and furry - and half fleshy with smoker's cough. Ewoks know in their hearts they are in reality designed to be a cute soft toy in a merchandising range.

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  21. @HauntingThunder

    Maybe not Orcs, but they knock off Stormtrooper heads. Didn't you see those helmets? Who knows if the heads were still in them when they were taken...

    @Anonymous

    It's not a bunker, it's just a whole in the ground with a great big front door. You could just dump a load of dirt in front of it and no more Hobbits. The cities in the sky would offer better escape than being buried alive.

    @-N

    Obviously, you have an oustanding intellect as demonstrated through your appreciation of both the cuteness and destructive force of the Ewoks!

    @Tabletop Fix

    It's not that they don't get the concept they are just that BRAVE! I accept that as #5 in favor of Ewoks.

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  22. @Flufferwuffer
    I'll let you get away with calling them creepy only because you agreed they would win in the end. :)

    @Dann
    +10 Geek Points for knowing Chief Chirpa!!!

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  23. The fact that the Ewoks thought C3P0 was their long-prophesied god called "The Golden One" puts them on the losing side of this argument. Seriously. C3P0?

    How can you not love the Shire, it's beautiful. The Ewok village, is just sad in comparison. And how can you decry a race of beings that has breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies, luncheon, tea, dinner and supper! I'm so there. (Once again my dear friend, we are on opposite sides of an argument - :) )

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  24. Ah, Michelle how I miss talking to you! At least in this instance we disagree but need not fear causing a riot in the copy room ;)

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