Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Yoda Was Wrong

Oh, did you feel that disturbance in The Force?  It was as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in anger and then directed it all at me, and if I'm not mistaken, cough, someone is trying to Force choke me!  Let me try to explain before I black out from lack of oxygen unless...ah, that's better.  Thank you.  I love Yoda.  He's cute and green and wise and he puts up with whiny Luke which should have earned him a medal.  I just watched the scene from The Empire Strikes Back where the not-quite-Jedi fails to lift his X-Wing out of the muck on Dagobah.  Yoda gives him a nice little lecture that begins with the famous words "Size matters not." and then proceeds to do the impossible.  But Yoda was wrong.

He tells Luke that he shouldn't be judging Yoda because he's small, but in fact the smaller things are in the Star Wars universe the more you should be judging them....and likely running in the opposite direction.  Let's start with the little green man himself.  Yoda.  If he's on your side, you're golden, but if you happen to be a Sith Lord or a Clone Trooper who's already received the dreaded Order 66 you are about to meet your maker.  I know he ends up a hermit hiding in a swamp, but would you want to face him in armed combat?  I didn't think so.

And if you're a droid on Tatooine, your biggest fear isn't a gigantic Bantha, it's a cute little guy with glowing eyes and a cloak.  Jawas may look like a bunch of toddlers playing dress up, but they'll fry your circuits without hesitation, attach a restraining bolt to you and sell you off to the first moisture farmer with a few bucks in his pocket.  And that's after you spend who knows how long riding around in their mess of a Sand Crawler, covered in dust and in desperate need of a good spit polish.

Last, but not least, there's the ridiculously cute yet crafty Ewoks.  Stop laughing!  They manage to trap a Jedi Knight and Han Solo in a net and then almost cook them for dinner.  Darth Vader had been trying to do that for three movies and hadn't managed the feat.  Then they take out more Stormtroopers than I can count along with some AT-STs using nothing more than logs, rocks and rope.  You can argue that the Stormtroopers aren't the smartest soldiers on the block but they have blasters and they still lose.  What Yoda should have said was "Small size, matters it does."

6 comments:

  1. Not to mention Midi-chlorians...

    Actually, let's not mention those.

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  2. Well put ... never thought of that. Interesting

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  3. OK I'm just gonna come out and say it: I love Ewoks dammit!! Thank you for showing them some overdue love.

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  4. Carbon-Based LifeformJanuary 19, 2011 at 8:53 PM

    I dunno...that mouse droid on the Death Star was pretty skittish when it encountered a Wookie.

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  5. Don't forget little R2-D2 taking down a few "super" battle droids.

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  6. Very interesting thoughts here. Ive never thought of it but I like where your head is and completely agree! I'd also add to the list that little astro-mech droid R2-D2. He is arguably the biggest hero in the series having come through in huge moments in every movie.
    Great post!
    ----
    http://realmbeyondsight.blogspot.com/

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