Tuesday, August 17, 2010
If You're Lucky, You'll Marry a Gamer
There are some drawbacks to being married to a gamer that are well known and much discussed by what I like to call Gamer Widows, myself included. Our husbands run off to play games till all hours and we only find out they made it home alive when we see them passed out next to us in the morning. There is the danger of having paint pots spilled all over the carpet, and the wall, and the curtains. (Will somebody please design a spill-proof paint pot? They have sippy cups for toddlers can't they help out fumble fingered Gamers?) There are often dangerous metal bits left on the floor to stab your feet and destroy your vacuum. Lawns can become overgrown, children may go unfed, and the phone may go unanswered, but they WILL be ready for their game night. What no one ever mentions, are all the bonuses that come from being married to a Gamer.
For example, Gamers have mad math skills. Seriously. Have you ever watched the amount of concentration that goes into creating the perfect army list, with just the right combination of troops, armed in just the right way to beat every opponent while staying within the point limits of a game? Or what about the allocation of points to different skills when creating characters for an RPG? Their ability to number crunch is unparalleled. This comes in handy when you have to split the check when you're out with friends. Hand it to a Gamer and in two seconds flat he'll have it divided eight ways including varying tip percentages. Trying to figure out the best deal when shopping for, well, anything? He can figure it out in less time than it takes you to find someone who works there and ask for help. Kids stuck on their math homework? He's your man. Mad. Math. Skills.
Gamers can fix stuff. I'm not talking about things like your car which you can take to a professional for repair. I'm talking about stuff like that ceramic horse you made at camp when you were ten. A guy that can spend an entire evening working with green stuff to fashion a seamless connection between a hand and a sword on a mini can glue that horse back together and hide the damage like you wouldn't believe. This skill is also invaluable in repairing Christmas ornaments, chipped bowls and toys. My kids break something precious and their first reaction after their tears dry is to set it aside for Dad to fix when he gets home. Not all superheroes wear capes. Some of them wear black t-shirts and carry a bottle of superglue in their back pocket.
Also, Gamers put a guy like Van Gogh to shame. Sure, he made all this fancy shmancy artwork and it's hanging on the walls of museums around the world. He even spent some time with The Doctor and helped save the universe, but I bet he never managed to blend a bit of Snot Green and Skull White to perfectly match the paint in the kitchen and hide a scuff on the wall. A Gamer armed with a fine detail brush and one of those little mixing trays that look like it should be holding escargot (you know they do) can match any paint color in existence. And if the world ever comes to an end, or a war breaks out, or the zombie apocalypse happens, then you want a guy who has played Pandemic and Halo on your side.
So the next time you find yourself criticizing the Gamer in your life for spending too much time gaming, remember he's developing some seriously important life skills that you're going to need someday.