Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I Want to Be a Superhero for the Car!

If I win the lottery, I'm not going to spend my money on a mansion, or a yacht or a tropical island.  I will spend it to buy the house next door so I can tear it down and build a garage for all the crazy cars I intend to purchase.  I love cars.  They're so very pretty and they sound cool and they go really fast, especially if they're red.  My current car is neither red, nor fast, but it is extremely practical considering most days it carries two children who have constant muddy shoes, sticky fingers, and the ability to spill everything they touch.  Someday, though, someday, I'm getting a car that they will never be able to ride in and that will likely earn me a hefty speeding ticket or two.  Moms get the worst cars out of necessity.  You know who gets really cool cars? Superheroes!

Consider, The Batmobile.  It doesn't matter if it was the finned version from the 1960's series, the Art Deco version from Tim Burton's films or the tank-like version from the two most recent films.  The Batmobile is one cool set of wheels.  It has, depending on the variation, lights to blind passengers from getting too good a look at the driver, a Batphone, Browning machine guns, rocket launchers and a jet engine.  Oh, and I can't leave out the Batpod, the little motorcycle-like thing that breaks away and whisks you to safety in the event that the evil villain destroys your car.  I'll take one of those, please!

Then you have Ghost Rider.  Yes, I know, technically this is a motorcycle that reaches speeds that would kill a mere mortal.  That will not be a problem because I am becoming a Superhero shortly and I'm going to have an extra, super, road rash resistant outfit for all the times I fall off and skid down the street on my butt.  It would be worth it to drive that bike.  I mean, for crying out loud it leaves a trail of fire...a trail of fire...in it's wake!  Imagine, you get cut off by some idiot on the highway during rush hour.  All you have to do is speed up, get back in front of him, kick it in gear and you have your revenge as the flames melt the wheels of his car.  I know, it's not very sporting of me, but the guy cut me off!

And should you want to drive your cool car on your days off without attracting attention, you could follow the likes of Tony Stark.  A walk through his garage reveals a Shelby Cobra, a Tesla Roadster and the Audi R8.  That last one has an engine housing that lights up, just like the glowy circle that makes Iron Man possible so it's no wonder that's his go-to car.  He spends all day tinkering with better and stronger suits, but I'd spend all day doing laps of the property in each car.  Yup, I could handle owning the cars in Tony Stark's garage. That's why I've decided to become a Superhero.  Sure, I'll save children from burning buildings, rescue airplanes seconds before they hit the ground and defeat all your evil villains, but mostly, I'm going to drive too fast in a too cool car.

6 comments:

  1. This post made me think of that really cheesy line from Batman Forever, "It's the car, right? Chicks love the car."

    Though he's not a super hero, I'd love one of James Bond's Aston Martins or BMWs. Due to my gargantuan height, I'd likely never be able to fit in one though.

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  2. I almost put James Bond's Aston on the list! He's not technically a superhero but he's darn close. I bet you could get into an Aston. Ever seen Top Gear? One of the hosts is 6' 6" and he loves the things.

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  3. Astons are a tight fit but I'm not only tall but wide and I can fit into one. But if I'm going for spy car I've always loved the Lotus Esprit mini sub. And I wouldn't mind a Tron lightcycle if we're going all out nerd-a-rific. Or a Return of the Jedi speeder bike if TFG's requirements don't include wheels.

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  4. Hey, if you can get your hands on an actual, working Return of the Jedi speeder bike that definitely counts...but only if you get one for me, too!

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  5. For the cool factor alone you need to add a few more to the list, Green Hornet's Black Beauty, the tricked out cab from The Shadow and 6 wheels monster from LXG. After all what list is complete without a convertible. You still passed up the ultimate car, the Mach 5. You would never be late getting anywhere ever again.

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  6. Very good additions and I agree...especially with The Black Beauty which looked fantastic with that huge front grille. As for Speed, well, technically, he isn't a superhero :) but the Mach 5 is without a doubt the ultimate car. I would put that at the top of the list as long as all the buttons functioned!

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