Tuesday, March 23, 2010

5 Friends You Need to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

I've been watching zombie movies lately and it's got me thinking about how to survive the Zombie Apocalypse.  There are lots of tips about what you should and shouldn't do but not a lot on who you need to know which I think is half the battle.  If your friends don't have the right skills, then they're just going to slow you down and *pow* you're zombie meat.  So I give you the 5 people you need to make friends with now if you want to survive the zombie apocalypse later.

#1 The Loner
This is a tough one because, well, he's a loner, but he's also a cagey fellow.  He doesn't go out a lot so he has stockpiles of supplies at home.  That means he's got lots of food and quite possibly weapons.  The kind of stuff a human on the run is going to need close at hand.  He's also really good at avoiding people which is an added bonus when you're trying to avoid zombie-people.

#2 The Military Enthusiast
You've got some options here.  This could be a former or current member of the armed forces or just someone who wishes they were, like The Frog Brothers minus the big 80's hair.  Either way, this is the guy (or girl) who knows how to go all Rambo on the zombie hordes and can make a deadly weapon from a piece of chewing gum, some duct tape and a paper clip.  Watch and learn.

#3 The Scientist
A word of caution.  You need a scientist if you're going to find a cure or as a last resort the ultimate biological weapon to destroy the zombies, but be very careful.  Your scientist must be both smart and worldly-wise.  If he spends too much time in the lab and becomes catatonic when he faces his first zombie then it doesn't matter how smart he is because he's going to be dead.  Take your scientist for a test run away from the lab and make sure he's at least able to at least handle ordering a coffee on his own before you add him to the team.

#4 The Pilot
You never know where you're going to be when the apocalypse hits.  And you don't know where the rest of your team is going to be either so you'd best plan ahead.  Make friends with a really good pilot.  That guy who keeps a plane in a hangar down at the old airstrip may be all that stands between you and certain death.  If he can fly a chopper too, all the better.  If he was once a fighter pilot, you've struck gold!

#5 The Geek
Why do you need a geek on your crack team of zombie killers?  Because no one, and I mean no one, knows more about what to do and what not to do than a true geek.  He's likely clocked in hundreds of hours of experience already between movies, books and games.  A true geek can be verified by asking the question "Kirk or Picard?" which he should be able to immediately answer and then vigorously defend.  Otherwise, he's not the geek your looking for.  Go about your business.  Move along.

Now that you know who you need to make friends with to survive the zombie apocalypse, what are you waiting for?  Go out there and build your team!

3 comments:

  1. Helicopter and standard plane flying skill sets are different (at least until you take off) so you probably want a helicopter pilot (most already have fixed-wing training). It's easy to fly just about anything-it's starting the things up that is difficult.
    Incidentally, I qualify for #2 and #4. On the down side, I live in Virgina.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, as long as you qualify for #4 then you can get to me nice and quick like since I'm just north of you in NH. You're on the team!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I will only need a pilot or someone who is great with taking control of vehicles. I'm a loner, a zombie geek, a weaponry enthusiast (familiar with rifles&bows). I won't be needing a scientist on the team unless he/she can use the smarts to help me come up with some cool weapons/zombie traps.

    ReplyDelete

If you've got something to say, this is the place!